"Police say the man accused Haynesworth of punching him in a traffic altercation in Reston. The man told investigators he made a gesture at Haynesworth for tailgating him. They stopped their two vehicles and Haynesworth allegedly got out of his pickup truck and punched the other driver.

At a hearing Tuesday in Fairfax, the case was settled. The details of the agreement haven't been made public.

Both Haynesworth and the alleged victim declined to comment.

Haynesworth's attorney, Steven Merril, told The Washington Post: "He's sorry about the whole incident." Merril told the Post that the alleged victim, Arthur J. Velasquez, had his nose bloodied in the incident...

For anyone who was wondering just how lazy Albert Haynesworth is... well, he's still active enough to get his fat ass out of his car and beat the hell out of someone. 

Let's break this down. First of all, what is a "traffic altercation?" Essentially this means Haynesworth was driving like a moron, someone flipped him off and then that guy was dumb enough to stop his car, roll down his window, and allow himself to get whaled on by a tubby, 6 ft 6, 350 pound NFL defensive tackle with a history of violence and an attitude problem. I mean this guy cleated a dude in the face in Dallas a couple of years ago. He's a psycho. Anyone stupid enough to pick a fight with him deserves to get beaten up, and I'm sure the judge agreed. 

But at least we know that Haynesworth is out and doing things again these days. 
So we all know Jim Tressel was a bad guy. It's becoming more and more clear that there hasn't been a student athlete on his football team in more than ten years. But how different is that from the rest of the schools in the country? Pete Carrol is no saint, and his successor Lane Kiffin is even worse. The big programs around the country all cheat and every so often, some poor basturd like Tressel has to take the fall. 
This whole Tressel debacle has gotten the media to stray away from what the real issue is. The NCAA is trying to protect its money at any cost. What's the big deal about this tattoo parlor. Didn't Ohio State give those players their gear? If they want to give it to a coke-dealing tattoo artist in exchange for some ink, who cares!? It's their stuff! The school, and the NCAA is making millions off of their talents and they don't even get royalties on their jersey sales. Robbing from students is not in the best interest of their well-being, no matter which way you phrase it. If your kids don't go to class, they're not student athletes. 
image originated from ns.photographersdirect.com
Danica Patrick did women around the world a great disservice today.  For everyone who lives above the Mason Dixon Line and didn't know, the Indianopolis 500 was today and Danica Patrick held a lead late in the race.  Unfortunately for her she forgot the most important part of driving, professional or not, is that the car doesn't move (especially not at 220 m.p.h.) without gas in the tank.  Danica Patrick you have one job, drive really fast in circles for a few hours every couple of months.  You couldn't even do that right.  Needless to say she was beaten by a man who remembered to fill up the tank.

Kobe Bryant was reportedly fined $100,000 for referring to a referee as a f****t.  Shortly after Joakim Noah was fined $50,000 for using the same slur.  The only difference being Noah directed his homophobic anger at a fan.  The NBA has set an interesting precedent here.  I would love to see the metric used by the NBA that determines who is most offended by homosexual slurs.  Are the NBA fans half as gay as the NBA refs, or is Noah only half as homophobic as Bryant?
image originated from www.denverpost.com
On tuesday a man by the name of Robert Seamans died attempting to slide down the pictured banister at Coors Field.  You can clearly see that not only did he lose his balance on the banister but he also lost hold of his beer.  There is no doubt in my mind that Mr. Seamans last words were "If I make it all the way down next round's on you!"

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We're stepping up Obama, we expect the same from you.  
I just received this information via @BreakingNews on Twitter.  There will be a new NASA mission that will send a probe to sample an asteroid.  Now since this is supposed to  breaking news I expected the scheduled launch date to be perhaps an hour from now or maybe even as late as tomorrow.  Actual scheduled launch date, sometime in 2016.  THIS IS NOT BREAKING NEWS.  THIS IS BARELY NEWS.  I'm disappointed in you @BreakingNews.  You have let me down for the last time. UNFOLLOWING.

If Barry O' has taught me anything throughout the course of his campaign and presidency it's that there's no skill more valuable than drinking and making a mess of yourself.  If I got a cool $200 mil every time i slopped a guinness on my face I would be a rich, rich man.  You have enough money Barry, try stimulating the economy by saving the easy bills for those of us that need it.

Guinness, I challenge you to stop the vicious cycle of making the rich richer and make me a lucrative offer for an unreleased photo of my glorious Guinness-made beer-stache.  Do the right thing.  
I will always tell it how it is.  Just remember, if you disagree, you're wrong.  Enough said.